This journal is friends only. Leave a comment saying you want to be added & I only plan on adding you if I know you in real life XD. This is MY journal so make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. I have the rights to fangirl, spaz, crack, and bitch about anything I want. Don't worry though, I won't bitch about YOU personally that's what friends filters are for! 8D And separate journals! Haha.

~Peace, kiddos.

Check out what I found again.

Here

and

Here.

good times. XD

Lucy: OMG
MY CAMERA KNOWS WHO HAS LIGHT EYES
me: ...
Lucy: AND MAKES IT RED
me: uh huh.
Lucy: IT'S SO ANNOYING X_X
me: lucy.
you are SO dumb.

so then after explaining to lucy how redeye works. and how the flash of the camera reflects weirdly on the irises of light-eyed people.

Lucy: awww..my story wwas cooler =_=

ETA:
matt: NING NING I NAMED MY BALLS XDDDD
.........
just thought you should know...

... why am I friends with these people?

Um, school is fun. Life is good. Patrick tells funny stories. Zach makes funny squee noises when hurt. Memes are fun. :D

( I'M 90% AZN )

I got these brilliant pajamas. Oh yes. POLAR BEARS SKIING. They're so cute and lovely 8D Also I love Gorillaz. Always makes me calm. I need Franz Ferdinand now though.

I'M SO CONFUSED AT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT KARIS. OO;; Because she told me to call her, and then she wasn't home, and I'm so confused T_T

( MEME! )

Alex Kapranos is so sexy. Even though I only read about the conversations he has with people. He's so nice. And sexy. And has an amazing accent that I love.

David Xu is going to Nelson high school because he moved to Burlington/Oakville just like me! I might be going to Nelson. It's either Nelson or TA Blakelock. No idea yet...

I saw Ian Tao for about thirty seconds today. I was talking to him through the window of his white car. And the snow was falling down on my eyelashes and the light coming from Dalewood was leaving a pretty shadow across his face.

I want him to come to badminton more often so that I can see him.
I don't want him to come because I don't want to get infatuated.
Yet being infatuated makes things so fun.

Lalala.
I'm sleepy and tired.
I need more sleep.
I feel so sick.

Today and yesternight I was feeling really bad because of my mom. In the beginning she didn't really say much. She talked about how I shouldn't swear and talk about sex at school. I should respect my parents and stuff like that. Except eventually it just escalated and then got a lot worse. And then I got really frantic and started twitching, scratching, rocking, and fiddling with my hands again.

When I went to school today I was pretty quiet and I didn't really talk at all. Karis knew that something was wrong and she ended up trying to talk to me about it. I guess I didn't really explain everything very well. I ended up telling her a brief summary of the things that happened, and I told her about the debates in my head and how I talked to myself.

They were so stupid. The thoughts I had. I talked to myself. Convincing myself that I was okay. Saying that I wasn't, that it wasn't okay and I wasn't worth it. Telling myself to shut up and that all those things weren't true.

And so I wrote down on a piece of paper "I have self-worth."
And she took the paper, and wrote me something that I'll forever appreciate.

( what she wrote )

It made me feel pretty damn warm and fuzzy inside. :)
♥

but then I came home and saw a letter from mother on the table. It ended with love you and I just started crying. I realized that I had needed to do that forever. For all of today I was just waiting for that one thing that pushed me over the edge.

Ask me a question about anything -- fandom, real life, music, vegetables, etc -- and I'll answer. Then I'll ask YOU a question. Rinse, repeat. If this works, by the end we could know each other so well we're sick of each other and have to quit one another for a while.

Okay strangely enough though talking to Aaron may be very difficult at one time and like, make me cry and stuff. After looking back I kinda get the feeling that he's right... (NOT about everything, just some things) and well, he still gives me the best advice when it comes to certain things.

It's funny though. How two people can both feel the same way and just not talk about it? I'll let go if I have to and I'll move on and I'll stop letting it bother me. I guess. I suppose. If I have to. Even though I don't want to. Agh.

Close my eyes and fall backwards and trust that somebody'll catch me ;)

...
It's really lonely here in Westdale.
I guess.

Oh well. I guess I kinda know why people go around asking for Hugs though. Not for particular reasons, but just because they need it. Not 'cause they're lonely or sad or anything, just because hugs are nice. Kinda like when Mike went around asking for a hug until he got one.

I can't fall asleep anymore.
And I can't sleep in late anymore.
Gah I'm so tired and sleepy *yawns*

I reeeaaally need to go to the library.

Poop.
Lawl.

Here we all are, standing in a ballroom. The floors covered with cream coloured tiles sprinkled with brown dots that stretch beneath the feet of everyone here. The hanging candle-lit chandelier dangles straight above our heads. It sits there swinging ever so slowly back and forth. Staying forever silent, closing its invisible eyes with boredom.

We stand in clusters of three to four; all dressed up in our Armani suits. Black cloth encasing us like our coffins. Not that anyone here actually has a life outside of work. That light blue silk handkerchief hangs out from everyone’s pocket that lies just above the left breast. Marked with a golden stamp of a crown, you can tell that we are all from the same elite club.

My jet-black hair is slicked back so that it gives off that fake plastic sheen that akin to everyone else. The man standing across from me smiles and offers his hand. I give him my firmest handshake and smile, offering him a witty joke. We both laugh, and I flash my perfectly straight, pearl white teeth. I run my hand through that plastic hair while trying to ignore his messy comb over, and we continue our conversation. Small talk. That’s the world of writing.

The carved wooden door opens and she walks through. If this were in the movies, every single head would turn to witness her beauty. She walks in wearing her little black dress and the music begins to play. They would stare in awe at those finely chiselled legs of hers. Cleanly shaven and silky smooth. However, that’s not quite how it works. Instead I only slant my eyes in her direction, attempting to capture her every move. It’s as if I am the only one who is even allowed to glance upon her magnificent splendour.

But we all know I am unworthy.

I am being brought back to my current conversation. The bore continues to lag on. On and on it goes, never seeming to cease! What exactly is it that we’re talking about now? Right. It’s his ten-year-old son who just happened to be the star player of his school basketball team. Congratulations to him. I frankly don’t give a damn.

When she walks past me I can instantly smell her perfume. That cinnamon rose musk fills my nose and travels up to my brain and for a split second; time seems to freeze. My legs seem to crumple as the scent of her silky black hair whiffs past my nose.

I gaze at her for one instant. I take in every detail about her. She has matured since I last saw her. That beautiful forehead still glistening brilliantly in the lights and her chocolaty chestnut eyes had gained a certain depth that was never there before; as if she was now more knowledgeable about the world around her. Her skin looked as soft as silk, just like it did in my dreams when I touched her so gently.

A corner of her lip twitches upwards into a smirk as those luminous eyes meet mine. Damn. I’ve got that need in my pants again.

The worst part about this is she knows it.

She motions for me to come over. She points to her watch. Five minutes. She walks away from me making sure that she sways her hips in that goddamn sexy way. I can’t stop watching.

My fellow writers note something wrong. The man in front of me stops talking about his stupid kid and looks at me. Josh, my best friend, stands behind me. He, obviously, also noted the presence of Lucy. Dear gorgeous Lucy. I can hear the snicker in his voice as he whispers behind me, “Go get her kid. You know you want that sexy piece of ass.” He gives me a little push in the back and I’m off.

I move around the dance floor following her. She disappears behind a couple and in the blink of an eye she’s gone. I mentally hit myself for letting her go like that. I’ve done that once in my life when I was but 14 years old, never again.

I spot her again up on the spiralling staircase. She gives me a smile and flashes her pearly whites at me. The lipstick she wears tonight makes them seem so full. I long to press my own mouth upon hers and devour the taste that is Lucy. Oh Gods, I want her so bad.

I quickly walk upstairs following her every step. She walks into a room with the golden numbers 108 etched into the door. She waggles her elegant finger at me and sits on the bed. Her head tilts up to expose that sandy tan neck of hers.

I walk in and shut the door behind me. I sit down awkwardly next to her and look down. I can’t think of any words that come to mind. There’s a slit that goes up the side of her dress and I can’t stop staring. Why can’t I stop staring? I need her now.

She smiles at me and utters one single word, “Yozzers.” She laughs because she hasn’t said that word since she was thirteen-years-old.

As that word is being spoken my eyes are drawn to her lips. They look so wet and juicy. I could just taste them now. I shudder as I imagine what they would feel like on my body. She slides over to me in my state of weakness and places her hand on my left ass cheek.

I fix my eyes on that forehead of hers and touch it gently. She trembles beneath my fingers at the memory of our childhood and I smile to myself. It’s good to know that she still wants me, even after fifteen years.

I push her down onto the bed and our breathing gets heavy. We take deep breaths and my eyes travel all over her body. I look at her womanly curves and slide my hand up her right thigh. As my hand travels goose bumps form on her skin. My hand soon reaches her lace panties and I rest them there. I could feel the cloth becoming wet as I added pressure.

She took both her hands and placed them on the sides of my face. I was dragged forward as she captured my lips into a kiss. Her soft lips gave me butterfly kisses as she trailed up my left cheekbone and over onto the bottom of my ear. Her mouth stayed there and nipped gently at my earlobe.

I brought her lips back at mine and they slowly opened to let me slide my tongue in. She sat on my lap and gently began to unbutton my suit. Button by button my chest was uncovered to her. She suddenly stopped and I placed my hands on the back of her dress. I felt around clumsily, seeing as I had never done this before. I found the zipper on the back of her dress until it reached the small of her back. I felt her skin once more noticing that there was no bra. I was wondering why her breasts had seemed just so incredibly perky this evening.

She stood up and her dress fell to the bottoms of her feet. I couldn’t help but stare at her naked beauty. I tried to look away and found myself unbuttoning my pants instead. At least it was something else to focus on. She slipped off her shoes and set them neatly in the corner. I would have sworn that she purposely bent over so that I could see her nice round ass.

We were both stripped down naked; neither of us could stop staring at each other. Her beautiful body and the way she curved in just the right places was so incredibly irresistible. She stood back up and her breasts bounced up and down. I was caught staring yet again but I couldn’t care.

I lay down on top of the bed and she straddled my midsection. She bent down and gently kissed my collarbone. She slowly slid back moving lower and lower. I lay my hands on her bottom as she lifted herself up so that she could hover above my erect penis.

I could feel the heat radiating off her body and transferring into mine. She slowly lowered herself onto me and I winced. She felt so tight, so warm, so wet, so delightful. She fidgeted around and adjusted herself. Feeling her squirm around like that, it was oh so pleasurable. She squeaked as she adjusted to my size.

I raised my hips and thrust myself into her. I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed this now. I could feel it building up inside of me. The rush. I spasmed just before.

But sonuvabitch. Lucy flashed me that evil smirk once more. I needed one more thrust to come to that fulfilling climax. The relief. She drew back and smiled at me knowing that I had not been satisfied. She got off of me and lay down on the bed as I growled in reply to her actions.

She wanted pleasure first now? I would show her what it was like. I would make her scream.

I gave her a fierce but short kiss on the lips. She wanted more already. I travelled down her neck and into her collar bone. I kissed in spiral patterns on her breast until I reached her nipple but stopped short. She whined as I repeated the step on the other breast. Finally when I was done I took my hand and slowly began massaging her breasts. I dipped my head and licked the tip of her nipple making it go erect. She whimpered silently as I bit into it. She had nothing to fear though, seeing as I wouldn’t draw blood.

I crawled back up to her face and kissed her softly on the cheek.

I put my lips next to her ears and uttered my final words.

"It's only the beginning."

The first one doesn't have any lucy or aaron in it. And it's not dirty.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Can you tell me now?
15. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Leave me an anonymous comment and don't tell me who you are:
1. Tell me a secret about you. Something you never thought you'd be able to trust me with. But now you can. Tell me a deep dark secret. Something nobody knows. Or maybe somebody knows, you just weren't allowed to tell.
2. Tell me what you think about me. Criticize me, compliment me. Tell me why you like me, why you hate me. Make it as detailed as you want. Leave a sentence, leave a page.
3. Type a name. Any name. Your name. A friend's name. I'll write something about that person and tell you how I feel about that person. What I think of them. I'll try to make it as detailed as possible.
4. Leave a clue to who you are. Make it obvious if you want. or be subtle. Depending if you want me to figure out who you are.
5. Repost this to see what others will say.


All comments screened. Remember, leave an ANONYMOUS comment. Nobody will see what you say. Just me. Number your answer too. And only do the ones you really want to do.

Alright so here's the first 18 days of The Very Secret Diaries of Matthew Smith! I suggest before you read, you check out the original secret diaries that were written by cassieclaire. I pretty much took the idea from her XD Matthew had found it and I'd offer to write HIS very secret diary and here it is! w00t. These entires are public so that anybody can read them.
Matthew hasn't been online in a while so this hasn't really been sent to him. But enjoy it anyway! XD

The following was written entirely by Ning Tan. Matthew Smith did not have any input in anyway (He Is far too stupid and arrogant and does not have the brain capacity to do so) Do not be insulted by anything in here. It was meant to lightly poke fun at Matthew’s Life. A parody if you will. And now, our featured presentation:

( The Very Secret Diary )